Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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