everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
