sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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