I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
