I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
