And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
