What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
