Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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