i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry about my life...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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