question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
