it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
