the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
