she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
