We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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