im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
