sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
