I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
