Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
