Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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