I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
