I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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