Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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