you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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