you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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