DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
