the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
