he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
