i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You made out with two different species that night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
