i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
