Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
