Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
