I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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