Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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