Ambien. No doubt about it.
just tell him i said nine months
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
