By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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