I'm really into asian looking animals
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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