i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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