Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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