Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
