Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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