Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
