Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
