O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
