Where did you get a picture of my penis
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
