fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
