My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
