I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
