And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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