Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
