The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Slut skills are useful in every country.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just found puke in my bra..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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