I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
