You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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