It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
