guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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