I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
