Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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