So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think i have two assholes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
