DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
