wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
