if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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