Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
