i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
