Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Pooping to opera.
Randomize