Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
