If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
