After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
