nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize