Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
