the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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