Apparently you make a good broom.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
