I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
