So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
