bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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