Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize