How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
