I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's shark week go big or go home
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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