Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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