i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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