My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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